Modern Times, Modern Parenting

My 7 year old daughter came home from school recently and made the following announcement: "Mom, my friend S. said that in some states, men can marry men and women can marry women."

It would be an understatement to say I was shocked. I, myself, had no clue what it meant when people used the word "gay" until I was 10 years old and in the fifth grade, so I guess I just expected my 7 year old to have no idea either.

But, alas, these are less repressed times than when I grew up. (And that is certainly a good thing...)

I feel silly now for being so naive as to think my kids WOULDN'T notice. I mean, how many times have we been out and seen gay couples? Don't they probably have schoolmates whose parents are gay? Haven't I watched the news with them when the topics have been gay rights and same sex marriage? And how many times have we listened to "I Kissed a Girl" by Katie Perry on the radio?

Obviously, my kids are not stupid, and it was stupid of me to assume that they wouldn't figure it out.

Anyway, it turned out to be a great thing. I remembered that when I was 10 (and finally figured out what "gay" meant) that the LAST people I would've wanted to talk to about it would've been my parents. They would not have engaged me in conversation about something which in their generation (and with their backgrounds) would have been considered so deviant. I guess I must have known that at the age of 10, too, and that was probably why I avoided the topic with them.

So, though I was shocked, I was also really happy that she was talking to ME about it. Obviously, she was not afraid to bring it up and that is a good thing. (Hopefully, she's not afraid to bring up other stuff in the future, too.) This way, I can make sure she's getting the right information. (I can still remember being so confused at the age of 10, having heard about gay people from a few girl friends in class, who had only rudimentary knowledge themselves. For the longest time back then, I thought "gay" meant what I now know to mean "hermaphrodite"!)

Anyway, after my daughter made her announcement, my 5 year old son, who was in the room, exclaimed, "What! If men can marry men, then one man would have to be the woman and that would be WRONG!"

He looked pretty outraged. (That was another thing that made me realize it was actually great that we were having this conversation now, while they were still young and malleable.)

So, I said, "Actually, she's right. Men can marry men and women can marry women. Most people marry their opposite, but some people like to be with the same. And if two men are together, one of them doesn't have to be "the woman". They can both be men and be together."

You can imagine the controversy that ensued. They then wanted to know what else people could marry. Could you marry anything? Like stuffed animals? How about other inanimate objects? Actually, it got a little ridiculous, but I kept repeating that PEOPLE could only marry other PEOPLE, and they finally got it.

They seem too young to know what exactly it means for two people to marry each other, so I finally just said, "Well, if you want to get married someday--and you don't have to if you don't want to--you can marry a man or a woman. Probably you'll marry the opposite. Someday you'll know who you want to marry, a man or a woman. Don't worry about it right now."

I'm hoping that's all they need to know for at least a few more years...!!!