People say money can't buy happiness, and for the most part, I believe they are right. Having a big house, a fancy car, a new wardrobe, and the finest things in life is not going to make you happy. What good are those things if you have an empty life, without people who you love and who love you?
No, money can't buy you love, that's for sure, but there is one way in which money CAN make you happy: spending it on others and with others.
Last year, I read a very interesting article about money and happiness in the Ideas section of the Boston Globe that I still think about all the time. It said that while spending money on material possessions doesn't make people happier, spending money on or with others, CAN actually make people happier. Making donations to charities, taking friends out to dinner, going on vacations with loved ones--in essence, spending on people and experiences with people--WILL make you happier.
I love that article. I guess that's why I still think about it a year later. It validates a feeling I've always had. In the pursuit of happiness, we need to know what to spend our money on...not so much on things, but on people and experiences.
Last week, we went on a family vacation to Maine and I thought about the article again while we were there. When I think about the happiest times of my life, they always involve events like this, vacations with family and friends, weddings and parties, and dinners out with friends. So much of our lives is mundane: housework and chores, kids' activities and homework, and of course, our jobs. Much of it is joyful, but little of it is memorable. The times that are the most memorable, however, are always the special ones: birthdays and celebrations and vacations. Those times are precious. When you look back at your life, yes, you remember some of the quiet times you've spent with your family doing the mundane things, but the most vivid memories are the ones spent doing something out of the ordinary. It's so important to remember that money spent on intangible things like this is priceless, and far more valuable than spending on getting an expensive trinket or toy. The trinket will tarnish but the vacation will grow in your memory into one of the most special times of your life.
Our little vacation in Maine last week was planned on the fly by my husband (because we had so much fun on a day trip we took this summer for our 11th anniversary), and we ended up picking the worst week for weather, but it was still an awesome time we spent together with our kids. I know when we look back on it someday, we'll say, "Hey, remember the time we went to Maine and we sat in the hot tub while it was raining? That was so cool!" We did the Cliff Walk in Ogunquit, ate at the famous Maine Diner when it was raining buckets, went to Old Orchard Beach and went to the amusement park. The amount we spent was small compared to what we got out of it.
Anyway, I'm not bashing those of you who have nice things. Of course, we all like having nice things, don't we? My particular weakness is clothes and jewelry. I love dressing up. I grew up winding my mom's old saris around me and wearing her shoes and jewelry and using her make-up. But I can tell you that while I like all the pretty things, there is nothing I own that I am so attached to that I would miss too much if it was gone. And, if need be, in a heartbeat, I would give it away.
It is good to remind yourself now and then to enjoy your money but never to become too attached to it or to the things you've bought with it. Not long ago, when I was stressing about money, my father reminded me, "Kirti, I don't worry about you. Why do you worry? If you lost your house, your car, and all your money, what would happen? Absolutely nothing. You still have yourself. You should never worry about money." (God, I love my Dad!) And just like that, I felt calm. Because he is absolutely right. If I woke up tomorrow with not a single penny, I would easily have a place to stay, food to eat, and most importantly, myself and the opportunities that I can make for myself and my family. And in a year, maybe two, I would be fine again.
So, I no longer live in fear of losing money or all of my material possessions. (No, I'm not wishing for that to happen! But I don't live in fear anymore.) There is only one thing I own that is worth anything, and that is myself! And the only things that are worth caring about losing are not things at all, but the people you love and people who love you. So, I spend my money on them and with them. Life is for living, for enjoying, for sharing your joy and happiness (and wealth) with others. That is the best kind of investment I can think of!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Published!
A little good news...
Another one of my book reviews came out in City Masala magazine last month...This time, the book I reviewed was As It Was Written by the debut author Sujatha Hampton. You can find the book review on page 28 of the magazine if you follow this link:
Another one of my book reviews came out in City Masala magazine last month...This time, the book I reviewed was As It Was Written by the debut author Sujatha Hampton. You can find the book review on page 28 of the magazine if you follow this link:
Also, if you happen to be interested in learning more about Ms. Hampton, please check out her website, http://sujathahampton.com/, or read her blog at http://sujathawritesoutloud.blogspot.com/.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Letting Go
When I look back at my life someday, 2010 is going to go down in the books as the year I finally came to my senses. It took 38 years, but finally, I've figured out that the world (and all the people in it) don't always have the best intentions.
I've been a Pollyanna in the past. I've always assumed that, in essence, everyone deep down is a good person, has a good heart, that if you showed someone enough kindness, you could turn them around. But the fact is, just because you care, doesn't mean anyone else will care. Not every one is moral, or trustworthy, or compassionate, or kind. Some people really only look out for themselves and could really give a damn about you, no matter how much you care.
These people are so damaged, so hurt, so abused, so incomplete themselves, that they can never offer you the friendship, love, or kindness you give to them. Whatever happened to them has turned them into bitter, cynical, ungenerous, critical, and pessimistic people who sap all your kindness until you are spent and destroyed. You spend your time boosting them up, making them feel better about themselves, being available at their beck and call, allowing them to speak to you any way they want and do whatever they want because you make excuses for them. You say to yourself, "oh, they've been hurt", "oh, they had a hard childhood", "oh, they don't mean to be so mean", but the truth is, they just really don't care about you or your feelings. You forgive and forgive and forgive, but would they do the same for you? You keep accepting them back in your life, giving them another chance, but they never change. You wonder to yourself, when do I say 'no more'? When do I say 'enough'?
And then one day, you wake up (at the age of 38 and wishing you had seen it before) and wonder "Why do I bother?" They will keep on being miserable, keep on being angry, keep on using you and abusing you, just as sure as the world will go on spinning. You cannot give these people enough love and kindness and compassion and make them all better, just like you can never fill up a black hole. They will always be empty, always be lacking, always with their glasses half-empty, and always taking from you, emotionally, physically, mentally, and even financially if you let them.
And that's when you realize that it's time to finally let them go.
So what do you do? Maybe you could start by taking inventory of all the people around you and asking yourself: is this person generous with their time, their actions, their words, their thoughts? Or are you the one that's always giving and they always the ones taking without reciprocation? Maybe it's time to let them go? Maybe letting them go will finally allow you to heal and become a better person yourself, full of love, and live the life you were meant to live.
This year, I've let go of many people that were toxic to me. I've stopped thinking that I could get along with and be friends with every human being out there. (Why did I ever think that was possible?) I have less friends now, but the friends I have now are truer. And, I make new friends every day. And, this time, I know what to look for.
Better late than never, right?
Anyway, for all of you out there who were suckers like me and let the miserable rule your life for a while, here's a beautiful poem that I hope will give you the courage to just let them go:
IF
by Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss,
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a man, my son!
I've been a Pollyanna in the past. I've always assumed that, in essence, everyone deep down is a good person, has a good heart, that if you showed someone enough kindness, you could turn them around. But the fact is, just because you care, doesn't mean anyone else will care. Not every one is moral, or trustworthy, or compassionate, or kind. Some people really only look out for themselves and could really give a damn about you, no matter how much you care.
These people are so damaged, so hurt, so abused, so incomplete themselves, that they can never offer you the friendship, love, or kindness you give to them. Whatever happened to them has turned them into bitter, cynical, ungenerous, critical, and pessimistic people who sap all your kindness until you are spent and destroyed. You spend your time boosting them up, making them feel better about themselves, being available at their beck and call, allowing them to speak to you any way they want and do whatever they want because you make excuses for them. You say to yourself, "oh, they've been hurt", "oh, they had a hard childhood", "oh, they don't mean to be so mean", but the truth is, they just really don't care about you or your feelings. You forgive and forgive and forgive, but would they do the same for you? You keep accepting them back in your life, giving them another chance, but they never change. You wonder to yourself, when do I say 'no more'? When do I say 'enough'?
And then one day, you wake up (at the age of 38 and wishing you had seen it before) and wonder "Why do I bother?" They will keep on being miserable, keep on being angry, keep on using you and abusing you, just as sure as the world will go on spinning. You cannot give these people enough love and kindness and compassion and make them all better, just like you can never fill up a black hole. They will always be empty, always be lacking, always with their glasses half-empty, and always taking from you, emotionally, physically, mentally, and even financially if you let them.
And that's when you realize that it's time to finally let them go.
So what do you do? Maybe you could start by taking inventory of all the people around you and asking yourself: is this person generous with their time, their actions, their words, their thoughts? Or are you the one that's always giving and they always the ones taking without reciprocation? Maybe it's time to let them go? Maybe letting them go will finally allow you to heal and become a better person yourself, full of love, and live the life you were meant to live.
This year, I've let go of many people that were toxic to me. I've stopped thinking that I could get along with and be friends with every human being out there. (Why did I ever think that was possible?) I have less friends now, but the friends I have now are truer. And, I make new friends every day. And, this time, I know what to look for.
Better late than never, right?
Anyway, for all of you out there who were suckers like me and let the miserable rule your life for a while, here's a beautiful poem that I hope will give you the courage to just let them go:
IF
by Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss,
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a man, my son!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Just Getting My Feet Wet
I can't believe it's been TWO MONTHS since I last blogged! Sometimes, life gets in the way...I've made so many changes to my life that it's taking some adjusting to get back to feeling like myself again...
When I last left the blogosphere, I had just become a vegetarian, and I'm proud to say that I'm still a vegetarian, now over 2 1/2 months! And, after doing some more reading, I've just recently decided to give veganism a try, in an effort eat more healthily, but also to try and live in a way that may cause less harm to the world. It's been a week now of no meat, fish, eggs, or dairy products and, I have to say, it's much easier than I thought it would be. I am amazed that even when my family is eating pancakes or pizza that I have no desire to eat it. They say when you become a vegan that your tastebuds reset and that you don't have any craving for the foods you once ate before, but I'm surprised that I'm feeling that way already. I hope it lasts, because already, I've been feeling like a million bucks! My skin seems better, my abdominal fat has decreased, and my GI system is working like it has never worked before! I can't rave enough about it...I'll let you know how I'm doing after a month...
Besides becoming a vegan, I've also made some changes in my professional life. I started a new position working 2 days a week at an office practice near my home. So far, it's going really well. I've already filled up my office hours and I'm ready to add another day in the fall. Besides that, I've also decided to take call about once a month at the hospital where I worked before in order to keep up my in-patient skills. I just worked there this past weekend. I'm so glad, too, because the nurses there are a wonderful bunch of ladies who have become very dear friends to me. I missed them and it's been great to have an excuse to hang out with them again once a month.
Also, my kids are home from school in the summer. As every mom and dad knows, this pretty much kills all your free time! All joking aside, I'm having an awesome time with them. I know the days are few when they would rather hang out with me than with their friends...We got a pool membership at our local pool and spend most of our days swimming. They are slowly but surely learning to swim. And I'm learning a thing or two also...I've never in my life jumped off a diving board, but this summer, I'm learning to do that. I've jumped in 3 times now. I need to work on my form because so far all of them have been belly flops (ouch)! Getting better, though...you really can teach an old dog new tricks!
We've also been reading like crazy thanks to the amazing summer reading program at our local library. For every hour or two the kids read, our library gives them a little prize from their prize basket. My kids have amassed an impressive menagerie of Japanese erasers thanks to the program. (I don't care why they're reading, at least they're reading!) And, they're at an age now that they have enough of an attention span for me to be able to read chapter books to them, which has been great. So far, I've read Charlotte's Web, Stuart Little, The Trumpet of the Swan, The Adventures of Dr. Doolittle, The World According to Humphrey, and The Adventures of Old Mr. Toad to them. Currently, we're in the middle of reading Babe: The Gallant Pig. (They are big into animal books...) For a book-lover like me, it's been a dream to share one of my favorite things with them...I hope they grow up to love books as much as I do.
What else? Let's see: the kids took some golf lessons, we went to the Children's and Science museums, we've had some playdates and birthday parties...oh, and I went on a scrapbooking weekend with my neighbor again like last year. It was a great girls' weekend away and VERY productive. (I came back with over a dozen layouts for each of my kids and I'm all caught up for the year...:))
So, it's been a crazy (but fun) summer with lots going on. I'm just getting my feet wet with the blog again, so be patient with me...hoping to be ready to dive in again by the fall...:)
Hope you're having a nice summer, too!
XO,
K.
P. S. Hope you like the other change I made--with the layout/design of this blog...Blogger has all these new designs, I couldn't resist trying one out...
When I last left the blogosphere, I had just become a vegetarian, and I'm proud to say that I'm still a vegetarian, now over 2 1/2 months! And, after doing some more reading, I've just recently decided to give veganism a try, in an effort eat more healthily, but also to try and live in a way that may cause less harm to the world. It's been a week now of no meat, fish, eggs, or dairy products and, I have to say, it's much easier than I thought it would be. I am amazed that even when my family is eating pancakes or pizza that I have no desire to eat it. They say when you become a vegan that your tastebuds reset and that you don't have any craving for the foods you once ate before, but I'm surprised that I'm feeling that way already. I hope it lasts, because already, I've been feeling like a million bucks! My skin seems better, my abdominal fat has decreased, and my GI system is working like it has never worked before! I can't rave enough about it...I'll let you know how I'm doing after a month...
Besides becoming a vegan, I've also made some changes in my professional life. I started a new position working 2 days a week at an office practice near my home. So far, it's going really well. I've already filled up my office hours and I'm ready to add another day in the fall. Besides that, I've also decided to take call about once a month at the hospital where I worked before in order to keep up my in-patient skills. I just worked there this past weekend. I'm so glad, too, because the nurses there are a wonderful bunch of ladies who have become very dear friends to me. I missed them and it's been great to have an excuse to hang out with them again once a month.
Also, my kids are home from school in the summer. As every mom and dad knows, this pretty much kills all your free time! All joking aside, I'm having an awesome time with them. I know the days are few when they would rather hang out with me than with their friends...We got a pool membership at our local pool and spend most of our days swimming. They are slowly but surely learning to swim. And I'm learning a thing or two also...I've never in my life jumped off a diving board, but this summer, I'm learning to do that. I've jumped in 3 times now. I need to work on my form because so far all of them have been belly flops (ouch)! Getting better, though...you really can teach an old dog new tricks!
We've also been reading like crazy thanks to the amazing summer reading program at our local library. For every hour or two the kids read, our library gives them a little prize from their prize basket. My kids have amassed an impressive menagerie of Japanese erasers thanks to the program. (I don't care why they're reading, at least they're reading!) And, they're at an age now that they have enough of an attention span for me to be able to read chapter books to them, which has been great. So far, I've read Charlotte's Web, Stuart Little, The Trumpet of the Swan, The Adventures of Dr. Doolittle, The World According to Humphrey, and The Adventures of Old Mr. Toad to them. Currently, we're in the middle of reading Babe: The Gallant Pig. (They are big into animal books...) For a book-lover like me, it's been a dream to share one of my favorite things with them...I hope they grow up to love books as much as I do.
What else? Let's see: the kids took some golf lessons, we went to the Children's and Science museums, we've had some playdates and birthday parties...oh, and I went on a scrapbooking weekend with my neighbor again like last year. It was a great girls' weekend away and VERY productive. (I came back with over a dozen layouts for each of my kids and I'm all caught up for the year...:))
So, it's been a crazy (but fun) summer with lots going on. I'm just getting my feet wet with the blog again, so be patient with me...hoping to be ready to dive in again by the fall...:)
Hope you're having a nice summer, too!
XO,
K.
P. S. Hope you like the other change I made--with the layout/design of this blog...Blogger has all these new designs, I couldn't resist trying one out...
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